I’ll Photoshop You Out Of My Life

Last Saturday.

We started the day per usual by eating some very healthy hamburgers and whatnot. Tim wanted to pose by these fliers because his favorite band “The Cock Smokers” are playing really soon.

It has always been the Carn’s dream to hide Werthers under Tim’s pillow, and Saturday was finally the day. He made the long drive from Chicago Suburban Hell to find that Tim was out of the house for a minute. Perfect timing to deliver his payload of carmelly deliciousness. Later, Tim was unknowingly doing wallrides to fakie whilst candy delights waited for him under his very own pillow. Not something a guy can say about himself on a regular basis.

We’re trying to bring the school yard launch back, so the first spot of the day was an obvious choice. Neal Shah’s melon got rave reviews. The Carn cried about it and skated flatground. Tim did a pre-grab Judo. I took photos with my shutter speed set faster than the flash syncs. Gabe sat in the shade because he ate too much. I don’t know where Pizzy was.

These two photos of Gabe Chan are sort of similar but were taken hours apart. On the left he does a crooked grind to pop out on a ledge with a dangerous foot tangle up/slippery slip out/fall over the other side rating. Right side is a golden hour tailslide on a possibly even more dangerous janky rail that I’ve been trying to convince someone to skate for years. Gabe knew the golden hour was the right time and made me a very happy boy and himself a very golden boy.

Instead of skating at Cream City that night with Mcguire, Russ, and the Zero friends, we totally blew it and stayed at home, listened to “Doctor Doctor” way too many times, drank beer, and played the Wii. Tim decided that whenever Neal missed a putt on Wii Golf he needed to shoot Neal in the ass with Lord Cru’s gat. Only slightly homoerotic.

Sunday was a day of glory. Another 7 Mile Fair trip was exactly what the “Doctor Doctor” ordered.

Everyone knows flat brimmed hats are super cool. At 7 Mile Fair they cost like $2, so why the hell not just get ten of them?

Milki was clearly stoked on her unicorn belt buckle find. I find it amazing that some people have lived in Milwaukee their whole lives and yet have never once been to the ‘ol 7 Mile. What more reason do you need?

If the “more reason” needed was the chance to practice your almost forgotten high school Spanish while haggling to buy a Mexican wrestling mask, then yes, you can do that too.

Of course you can also use that wrestling mask to pose with your “Big Box” from KFC. Then you can take a picture of that picture and post it on your website.

Another case of the ‘ol Gabe Chan “shove it out is easier” theory on backside tailslides. So yes, this is a backside tailslide shove it out, but you’ll just have to imagine the shove it out part. He wanted to do it while wearing the mask but he was too scared he would get it sweaty. The mask would have matched his trucks perfectly though, he should have worn it.

You may have seen a whole bunch of full pipes and half pipes outside a certain building they’re tearing down. It may seem like a great idea to try to sneak in there and skate them. We thought so too, and Mike did a pretty sick trick given the sketchiness of the dented up and very sharp edged half pipe. Literally one minute after Mike landed his trick and we were about to leave, we got rushed by the most aggro/nerdy security guard on the face of the planet. He was wielding mace in one hand and his baton in another and he meant business. It was way too late to run, since we had our cameras and boards all over the place, so we had to listen to him. He cuffed us(!), the cops came, but they realized the absurdity of the situation and took the cuffs off and laughed at the security guard with us. After sitting in the back of the cruisers for what seemed like an hour, we got our $160 trespassing tickets and were sent on our way. So I proudly present to you: Mike Roebke’s $480 backside disaster.

That brings us almost up to date. Watch this in the mean time:

Looks a lot better than Transformers.