Rancor Rimjob

Board graphics:

Blender Coffee break. So good it hurts my feelings. I love coffee. I love skateboarding. No brainier

Blender rear view mirror. It says “Hey I’m back here eating a taco drawing Steve Claar”.

Jerry Hsu Kittens and Rainbows. Can’t get enough. Mine would have pizza and cookies.

Skate Shoes:

Airwalk JIM shoe. The white ones. Think J. Lee.

DVS Revival. Pretty much the same deal.

Fallen Sting. Discontinued. Classic style for miles. JT’s fave. My fave.

O.G. Skatespots:

Congo Bongo. All together maybe skated it for 2 hours. The biggest bust in Milwaukee since Jeffery Dahmer. If that spot came out today it would be called a skatepark.

Red Arrow Park. Closest thing we had to an EMB or LOVE spot. Crazy locals. Summer meant Red Arrow. Great stuff. Protect ya’ neck. Harsh cops. Harsh pressure flips. Schoultz was Boss.

Bishops Woods. I’d love that spot now. Double sided curbs. This stuff doesn’t get old. Watch an old Tom Knox or Hensley part on youtube and get pumped. Slap my bitch up!!!

Skatespots Now:

Big red. A giant double sided curb. Imagine Jason Adams skating this thing in hi-def IMAX. “Giddy-up”.

Breeze Hill. Has to be seen to be believed. Imagine the first time you saw the dinosaurs in Jurrasic Park. Yup – that good.

The hive. D.I.Y. low-impact shred zone. Like a human pinball machine. 5 dudes shredding at the same time…multiball. Just add brew.

Official soundtrack….”Let the goodtimes roll”

Things Rusty Might Say To Troy On Any Given Saturday Night:

“Come on guy, you have to get TOXIC!!!!”

“Stay Focused – this girl here is an easy A”

“Next Stop – T. J.” (Tijuana)

Outfits To Wear While Zorbing:

Commando! Nothing but socks.

The Terminator’s kit right when he arrives in the first flick.

Classic Gamorean Guard codpiece.

Wade Experiences

First handrail experience. Mis-fire straight to atomic oil check. Running into the church screaming “oh my god – my asshole’s bleeding!”.

When he took a cookie monster size chomp out of a cassette tape case. Yup.

Nude ollie the Parents park gap. Students around. Hang out with yer wang out. Caught on tape. Check Year Book.

East Side Lurkers

J.T.M – Jim the Martian. The measure of all street celebrities. Should have had his own reality show. Number one. I truly miss that guy. They broke the mold. Check the picture at PHASE east. Top notch.

Brown Around Town. What an asshole. This dude has been steady trolling for almost 15 years. This dude has got some serious mileage. Send me a camera phone picture of you and this jerk and get a present. No questions asked. Two thumbs down.

Nordic Track. The only street celeb to use the streets for his aerobic work-out . P.S. how’s that swastika tattoo between the eyes working out for you?

People To Have At A Session:

Moose. If anyone can get you pumped, it’s him. Provided he doesn’t have a nuclear hangover!

Joe P. He always remembers just how fun skating is. Hes got a great spirit. And loves slappies.

The Don. Some of the best slams since Wade. He’s amazingly talented and laughs so hard he makes no sound. Get on the street course.

Black Box Employees:

The extreme Sween. This guy isn’t called the “Southern Gentlemen” for nothing. Great dude.

KMC. East coast sales. Living life like an MVP. LOL’s all day.

Reasons Not To Get Old.

Who wants to get old? Cops, teachers, kooks and Suits. Peter Pan was a pioneer.

Arthritis, Gingivitis and severe barney status. “Roll it to the wheels fall off”.

Bruce Springsteen wrote a song about “GLORY DAYS” replace every lyric w/ skate reference and you got a tear jerker.

Morrissey Songs To Listen To While Zorbing:

Last night I dreamt somebody loved me. Or wait, that’s a song to listen to while crying.

Please let me get what I want. Think Ferris Bueller art museum scene.

I know it’s gonna happen someday.

I’d love to.

Animals.

Kittens. Wow. Goodtimes. Classic stylings. They’re everywhere in my heart and dreams.

Monkeys. If they’re not on your top 3, you’re a dick.

Chickens are pretty tight.

Phase II Employees:

M.Z. Number one. Comedy for days. WLPX satin jackets, Grecian Delight fish-frys. Hanging w/ Jim the Martian. Hacky sack. Again – “Glory Days”.

Wade Barth. His antics still stand the test of time. How about when they brought a tooth brush to work and told him to sober up or go home.

Al H. Wow, what an asshole. Customer service? How about “take this job and shove it”?

Star Wars Quotes:

These are not the droids we’re looking for.

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.

You’re part of the rebel alliance and a traitor. Take her away.

Things To Yell While Zorbing:

“HOOCHIE MAMA!!!!” – obscure Frank Costanza reference.

“Feels like the first time,feels like the very first time” Foreigner lyrics.

“This is how we do it” – Montel Jordan

Tricks:

No-complies

Slappies and boardslides.

Wallrides. This is Wiskate for christs’ sake.

Favorite Shredders:

Blender. The true original skateboarder. He made the template for skate artist, musician and life liver. S.O.T. Y. Shrouded in myth and legend. Let’s keep it that way.

Hensley. The best. No-complies that stand the test of time. A book mark in time.

Oyola. Furthest away from what I do. Fast, furious and spontaneous. Metallica. EE3.

Barletta. He is the reason we do this. Smiles for miles.

There you have it. Thanks John.

Later nerds.