Hermit Crab Escape #3

There’s no real reason is spending a lot of time explaining away my MIA-ness, so I’ll just say that my diversion from the “real world” (Grad School), has been taking away the days faster than I can drink a 7up absinthe cocktail, and thus has caused a scamble to get my shit together before I leave. Where am I gong? I’ll get to it. I planned to write an update detailing my current living situation which esentially takes place in two separate houses and includes three uncles, one of which is a cousin, and a whole host of others. We plan on pitching a sit-com related to this notion; think of it as Charlie Brown meets My Two Dads…My Two Uncles? Maybe….This will have to wait for the next update as I have stumbled upon something that I hope will be a bit better. Getting back to the point, Toby’s post has inspired me to do something that I think will provide a mild sort of entertainment for all. What I plan to do is take each of the wiskate nerds, and hypothesize what political party/platform they might run on/under if they were to run for local/any political office. Toby’s mention of Josh as a write-in candidate for local elections was so far beyond the realm of even the slightest possibility, that it provided me with the inspiration to do this. I will do it in no particular order, just as the names come to me and I think Josh is as good a person as any to start with.


In my mind Josh would fall into the camp of right libertarian. He has a strong distrust of government, but holds the private sector in high regard. He loves the United States more than most, and even though it seems like it’s in a sort of ironic half serious way, he’s a patriot at heart. Although he has a slight concern for his fellow man, he doesn’t want his tax dollars to pay for someone else’s public schooling, or for that matter anything. He likes to think of profit as the driving force for most things of quality, so therefore thinks that right leaning libertarian politics are an ideal point of departure.

Uncle Will

Okay, this one was really the easiest one to come up with. Clearly we are talking about the Green Party here. Uncle Will gives a shit about social programs, and looks at the environment as essentially for ensuring the future of his fishing trips with his own kids, his nephews/nieces etc. Where the fast car stuff fits in here is a tough one, but we’ll go with the fact that althogh they may consume more fossil fuels than a hybrid, he doesn’t own an SUV yet, so we’ll take that as a plus in the green column. Ol’ Uncle has a concern for his fellow human, and loves green things of all kinds.

Rainbow Sanji

Rainbow strikes me as the most straight ahead case for a democrat if there ever was one. He may strongly disagree, but given my limited amount of knowledge to go on, I’d say it’s just about right. My reasoning includes his recognition of the inequalities of everyday life, combined with the common sense notion that you don’t solve those problems by giving everyone but the rich the shaft. Sanji knows that in order to be a good democrat, you have to prentend that you care about the poor, while basically doing the same thing that the other mainstream political party in the U.S. does; maintain the hegemonic, imperialistic interests of our beloved land.


Although I’ve known Toby longer than practically everyone on this site, I really have no idea where to place him. I’m not even going to venture a guess, although given the last post I could sort of use some sort of analysis of the language used, and I think I might have an idea. Still, even though I met him a skate camp in 1998, we’ve never had a conversation that could help me out here. We’ll leave it at that.


I’ve known Steve the longest, and yet this one is quite difficult as well. Although he is versed in the theoretical and ideological musings of Debord and the Situationists, and he has participated in his own forms of exploration and resistance, it’s rather hard to place him in any clearly defined political realm. If I had to venture a guess, I’d place him in a European political situation, perhaps in a New Left camp or maybe with the Social Democrats. Steve proves that even people that make money can give a shit about greater social needs and not be completely hollow about the affair. Although he is not comfortable with the standard left/right spectrum because of the unnecessary divisions that it creates, he sees the need to have a diverse and grounded politcal body, even if only to be diffused by the necessary coalitions that will form in order to gain some sort of power.

Lord Cru

This is retarded. Can I even do this to myself? Well, I’ll try to give some sort of explanaton of what this might look like. I have little concern for national politics, and although there are differences in the two mainstream political parties, I see them as essentially the same in most of their base values, and they all want the U.S. to remain a state, so that’s their first problem. I guess I’d have to have some sort of concern for local issues, as I think the local is the only thing worth a damn in this shithole. So I guess I would run as some sort of independent candidate in an election that would have substantive local import. Who knows though, maybe I’ll sell out tomorrow or whenever I enter the “real-world”.

Wrap-up/Final Notes

That turned out worse than I expected. When I thought about it in school today, it seemed really funny and perhaps more do-able than it was in reality. Either way, there it is. I may not need to add this here, but I did not get the approval of any of the above mentioned wiskate nerds, and any disagreements must be submitted in writing…or I suppose they can all be deleted as well. My roomate got a hermit crab, and it has escaped three times. The first two times it was recovered, but this time it may be gone for good. It may have something to do with the myth that they don’t need covers on their cages, but that could just be me. I hope I don’t wake up with that thing attached to my balls. Could be fun though I suppose….Here’s a photo that my dog sent me from her new home in NC….

….and here is something that I’m looking forward to. Juniper and I got our tix the other day for our trip. Although I initially said that I was going to steer clear of the main spots, it looks like two are on the list. We’re starting out in Barca for baby Jesus’ b-day, New Years in Berlin, then off to Warsaw, Budapest and then home. I’ll be taking orders for absinthe or whatever else anyone might desire from the continent.